In which I document, in serial format, the stupid things I hear people say or do in regards to my mom's illness.
I had planned on writing an angry entry, in which I take the energy that I feel towards what is happening to my mother and complain about the stupid things people say to me about her illness. In the past three weeks, my mother has had to endure:
1. A MRI of the breasts.
2. A PET (full-body) scan.
3. A Bone scan.
4. A Brain scan.
5. The injection and ingestion of contrast dyes for the above tests.
6. Blood tests.
Today she received the results of the PET, bone and body scan.
All three scans were clear. The cancer is limited to the left breast and lymph nodes. Surgery to remove the breast and all lymph nodes is scheduled for early June, on a day that she considers “lucky”. Once the tissue is removed, the cancer will be graded and the oncologist will develop a treatment protocol.
Now that I am living with a situation in which people are going to say stupid shit, I thought I would at least get some amusement out writing about it.
The Ring Theory posits a very simple rule of communication for talking to or about a person in crisis.
Comfort In. Dump Out.
The drawing below is my mother’s ring. Note that this is based on a combination of geographic and emotional relationships. The asterisk next to “Mom’s Friends” is to denote that they are on the border between the first and second ring. “Mom’s Siblings” are also closer to the first ring, but geographically none of them live nearby.
Based on ring theory, I can’t rail at my mom and dad about how unfair her illness is and how horrible it makes me feel. But I can express those feelings to my brothers (as we are in the same ring), my spouse or my friends, as they are all in an outward ring.
Things Stupid Shit People Say #1
Smoking caused mom’s breast cancer.