Dear New YMCA Members

I think that it is great that you decided to join a gym. I remember how difficult it was to get used to working out with a whole bunch of strange people, always worrying about a stray bead of sweat or that someone will walk off with my towel.

Please feel free to stop by the desk and get directions to the locker room. While you are there, have one of the staff introduce you to this really neat little invention called a “lock”. See with a lock you can store you stuff in an equally interesting object called a “locker” without worrying about someone stealing it. If you don't have a lock, you can turn over your driver's license and a member of the staff will loan you one for the duration of your workout.

Imagine how nice it will be to move from station to station without lugging your coat, scarf, hat, backpack and extra pair of sweatpants with you! Imagine how grateful other patrons will be to have one less obstacle to trip over.

Please stop carrying the disinfectant spray bottles from station to station. I don't know if you noticed, but there actually is a finite number of bottles. That number is significantly lower than the number of people working out at any given moment. And while we are discussing this, please stop giving me an ugly look when I use “your” spray bottle to wipe down a machine. Finite number of bottles, remember?

Is it really necessary to remain attached to your cell phone during a workout? Really?

Is it really necessary to pout when you cannot get a treadmill next to your friend? Really?