Today's Selection for Amusing Letter to the Editor

One of my morning rituals is to read the Post-Gazette letters to the editor. Never underestimate the entertainment value of the ordinary citizen.

Last week they published a specimen from a gentleman distressed by the publication of an article on condoms for women in the magazine section, apparently in a section considered the most “family-friendly”. Part of his distress was over some of the word choices (Mad-libs anyone?) and part of it was over the article's tone.

To quote from his letter: “Yet that day, I was treated to the following, all in the heading and first 100 words of your article -- "condom" (six times), "pleasure," "prophylactics," "intimacy gels" and "vibrating rings.”

I'm not quite sure what to make of this one. The fact that he counted the number of times the word condom appeared in the first 100 words? Shocking only if the paper was publishing an article on cheese. The article was not about cheese. The headline was “A new line of condoms gives women choices, control”. Using the word “condom” in an article about condoms does not seem to be too out-of-the-box under those circumstances.

When did “pleasure” become a dirty word? Apple's Dashboard dictionary defines pleasure as “sensual gratification” but not as the primary definition (it is fourth on the list if you are curious).

Since the writer did not specify the age of his children, I don't know how much I can mine from his protest of the word “prophylactic”, except to say that I did not know what the word meant until I was fifteen and cannot pronounce it even now. If any of his kids have seen the outtakes from Ten Things I Hate About You, then they have at least heard the word spoken.

As for the words “intimacy gels” and “vibrating rings”, has he turned on a television during prime viewing hours lately? Has he taken them through a grocery store or drugstore?

While I poke gentle fun at the writer, his letter does raise a greater issue, and it is not about the editorial judgment of the paper. Towards the end of his missive, he states “There are parents out there who prefer to choose appropriate settings to discuss matters of sexuality with their children, and I'm pretty sure that looking for the comics is not one of those.”

I find such statements disturbing because they usually come out of the mouths of parents who do not want to address issues of sexuality with their children at all. Their method is to protect them from an article in a newspaper, a rack in the drugstore and ignore the playground banter. Put off the discussion until they are “older”. Complain when schools attempt to fill the communication gap and papers publish articles on condoms. Do it all in the name of “protecting” children.

Are not the moments to teach kids these things whenever you can grab them? I am not a parent (yet) but in my incarnation as a teacher I found that the best lessons are taught when there is laughter in the room. Rather than complain about how careless the paper was to publish such an article, would not a better response be to seize the moment and have that discussion around the breakfast table when minds are relaxed and open?

Chris Whitley

Chris Whitley died on Sunday, November 20th of Lung Cancer. He died at home, surrounded by the people he loved the most - his brother, his daughter and his fiancée.

I had the pleasure of watching Chris perform only once, at Club Cafe in 2004. He was painfully, shockingly, thin, mumbled when he spoke to the audience and brilliant on the guitar.

It was not one of his better performances. All of three or four his instruments were out of tune, making in necessary to adjust between each song. The highlight of the evening was when he exclaimed to the audience “Oh the drama of watching a musician tune his fucking guitar!”

My heart is a little bit broken tonight by the news. Rest in peace, Chris Whitley.

Dining in the South Side

One of the letters published in the November 11, 2005 Post-Gazette was a lament over the abundance of bars on the South Side. Specifically, the letter writer was disturbed that the owners of the old Mellon Bank building had applied for a liquor license.

To quote from her letter: “How odd that we have no King's or Bob Evans, or Denny's or Eat'n Park restaurants. Nothing for the family or senior citizens”.

The above four establishments have two things in common:

1.They don't sell alcohol.
2.They are chains (Although I'll cut Eat'n Park some slack because they are local).

I find it interesting that the letter writer could not come up with one family-friendly restaurant in the South Side. So for her sake, here is a list of establishments that I have frequented. All of them serve non-alcoholic beverages and many of the are actually family friendly. I will admit some of them are a little more expensive, but there are an ample number of inexpensive places to eat.

The Bridge
Bruschetta's
Cafe Allegro
Cafe Tuscany
Carson Street Deli
The Cheesecake Factory
Fathead's
Mallorca
Mario's Southside Saloon
Nakama
Piper's Pub
Pittsburgh Steak Company
Primanti Brothers
Southside Steaks
Sushi Two
Tom's Diner

Dear Pat Robertson

You really don't give up, do you? It is bad enough that you advocate the extremely unchristian viewpoint that it is ok to assassinate world leaders who do not agree with your point of view, but now you are calling the wrath of God down on the residents of Dover, Pennsylvania for having the terminity to want scientific theory taught in their schools.

The only thing I can surmise is that God is testing my love for fellow man by putting you on the planet as the poster boy of what a Christian is NOT supposed to do. Did it ever occur to you that God may be playing you for the fool?

We are supposed to love the foolish, so here it goes:

God loves you. So do I.

Today's Annoyance

I'm married.

I did not change my name.

I logged into my College's alumni site to update my job title and discovered that:
A. My name had been changed to that of my husband.
B. My email address was incorrect.
C. The institution where I obtained my graduate degree no longer displays.

I managed to correct A and B and update my job title. I'm writing up C as a defect since it would not display even after I added the graduate school back into my profile.

I accepted when I got married that some people were not going to address me by anything other than my married name, no matter what I did. But the college in question did not have permission to change my data.

To ease my irritation, I took the Political Compass Test. My results were:

Economic Left/Right: -6.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.95

Apparently I am right there with Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama. Excellent.

Sports Commentary from a Sports Dunce

In the city and about the United States.

1. Announcers are way too obsessed with Brett Favre. While commenting on the referee's decision to wear long sleeves (In Green Bay, in November) Jim Nantz somehow managed to segue into a comment about Brett Favre's "wonderful biceps". Huh?

Why does every single announcer use his full name?

Nantz is not alone in displaying his deep affection for Favre. John Madden's claim to fame over the past several years has been his ability to work Favre's name into conversations that have nothing to do with him, the Packers, the city of Green Bay or the state of Wisconsin.

2. Terrell Owens has been indefinitely suspended from the Philadelphia Eagles. As the resident of a city described as a "drinking town with a football problem" I have to dig pretty deeply back into the past to find a Steeler who behaved badly towards his team or the general public while on the team's active roster.

3. The refereeing during the last two Penguins games in Boston has been abysmal.

4. Best Hockey moment this year (so far): Watching Sidney Crosby score his first professional goal. The look on his face was priceless.