It is the most wonderful time of the year, the seven weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's in which all the plans and negotiations made months in advance about how to handle our respective families gets thrown out the window.
Every year I hate this holiday season a little bit more. I hate the debates over where to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas. I hate the last minute, last ditch attempts by family members to guilt us into spending the day with “us” instead of “them”. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Right now we are still planning on boycotting Christmas with either family. We hope to avoid a repeat of last year's Wigilia, which ended with one of J's brothers yelling at me to “control [my] husband”.
It has started early this year. After a month of stating repeatedly to J's family that we would be spending Thanksgiving at my parents, enjoying the increasingly novel experience of seeing both of my siblings at the same time, we were informed that bypassing his family would mean missing my father-in-law's birthday. Which falls on Thanksgiving day.
Since missing his birthday is unacceptable, we are splitting the holiday. The morning at the in-laws, the evening at my parents. The afternoon driving the 2.5 hours between the two houses. Making sure we make it to my parents by 4:30, as they are having twelve for dinner and some people have to make a long drive home afterwards.
Still seven more weeks until New Year's Eve.
One weekend of the seven completely booked already with family activities.
Next year, I am not going anywhere. I don't care any more whose feelings are hurt by it. I'm tired of the negotiations. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of begging friends/neighbors/co-workers to feed our pets while we are gone. I want to celebrate the holidays in my home. I want to cook Christmas dinner in my kitchen. I want to sleep in my own bed.
I don't blame you. Family can take all the fun out of all the holicays. It's terrible when people end up dreading T-Giving and Christmas instead of looking forward to them.
ReplyDeleteDo it, Jenn! I am fighting the guilty feeling that I should go home this Christmas, and it is completely self-imposed, so I can't imagine how much worse it would be if you had actual other people pressuring you. Do what you feel is right for you!
ReplyDeleteGuess what?
ReplyDeleteYou and J already constitute a family unit unto yourselves and each other.
Everybody else must accept also-ran status while you recharge the psychic batteries. Holidays can be really important for that.
Although one day you'll miss them, don't let all the other fambly members therefore assume that you're obligated to plan your holidays around them (My own folks seemed to understand this a little better, back in the day, than yours/J's apparently do.)
"One hand for yourself and one hand for the ship" -- be a couple first. When you're ready to deal with the others, you'll be ready to deal with the others.
Deep cleansing breaths. Peace.