I'm Not Going to Pile on John Edwards

Because, as I've stated before, marriage is difficult enough lived in the private sphere of family and friends. Lived in the public eye, sometimes I think it must be fucking impossible.

Reading the comments and commentaries on other sites, I've noticed a distinct pattern of response to the news. They are, in no particular order:

1.John Edwards is an asshole for cheating on the Democratic Party while running for the presidential nomination and/or cheating on Elizabeth while she had cancer. It is fifty-fifty on which of these things is worse. I got the distinct impression from some remarks that the betrayal to his party was worse then the betrayal to his marriage.
2.Elizabeth Edwards is a horrible woman for knowing about the affair and continuing to support her husband and encouraging other to support him as well instead of booting him out on his ass.
3.John and Elizabeth's marriage is none of our business and we should stay out of it.

I've addressed response one before. If you place a man or woman on a pedestal, inevitably they will fall off it. Every single time. Edwards has taken responsibility for his actions, has admitted to hubris and fault and worked towards making reparations to his wife and children. He does not owe anyone else on this planet a damn thing. Including an adequate apology.

As for response 2, WTF? Either Elizabeth Edwards is a woman with her own agency or she is not. Her decision to remain in her marriage is hers alone to make and it is not for anyone else to condemn, condone or otherwise speculate. There is this insane notion in American society that every bound couple is required to have the same kind of marriage and anything outside the narrowest of boundaries is unhealthy.

I've lost track on the commentary of my marriage, primarily because I have learned to close my ears over the years. And there has been plenty of commentary on my un-wifely, inappropriate behavior. Refusing to be the only one responsible for the house keeping. Making J buy his own socks and underwear. Traveling solo. And uncounted other actions which scream of how fully uncommitted I am to my relationship.

Except for the whole standing up at an altar making vows in front of a hundred of our closest friends and family and trying my hardest to make it work even when it is hard. Even when both J and myself has screwed up royally, in ways that would be an absolute deal breaker in other relationships.

No, I'm not going to pile on John or Elizabeth Edwards. For those who would judge the Edwards because their own marriage is so flawless, I say congratulations. I'm glad you found your one-true-love and soul mate and never have to worry about conflict or your spouse's flaws.

Now leave the rest us alone to muddle through.