How to Snowboard

1. Fall off while attempting to get off ski lift. Hit head on boards, end up with concussion. Stop snowboarding for six years.
2. Six years later... agree to go on ski vacation with spouse.
3. Buy a pair of barely used boots (Boots A) and bindings off of eBay.
4. Purchase a used snowboard, bindings and boots (Boots B) from spouse's boss.
5. Go to nearby, family-style ski resort offering free passes, to practice.
6. Put on Boots A.
7. Walk around.
8. Practice maneuvering snowboard with one foot out of binding.
9. Discover metal-band-digging-into-ankle sensation is unbearable and sit down in the snow to pull boots off feet.
10. Watch as spouse re-laces and reties boots.
11. Cry when spouse glares at you after almost fall over him while is is re-lacing boots.
12. Put boots back on. Walk around. Continue maneuvering with one foot out of bindings.
13. Experience return of metal-band-digging-into-ankles sensation. Decide sensation is unbearable. Unlace top of boots, stow board and walk back to the car.
14. Switch out Boots A for Boots B.
15. Walk back up to resort. Retrieve board. Head towards baby slopes.
16. Skip escalator and walk to top of slope.
17. Push self up into standing position.
18. Begin down slope.
19. Fall down.
20. Push self back up again.
21. Continue cycle until reaching bottom of slope. Trudge back up hill.
22. Repeat.