Into the Fire - Part II

I've never dealt with a personality like the individual I am dealing with now. I've never had the professional experience of sitting helplessly as my words are twisted and used as weapons against me. The last time I had a conversation with someone in which they asked me to explain myself, I explained myself, only to be informed that my explanation was “not an excuse and [unacceptable]” I was seven years old.

I don't understand this kind of management style. I don't understand what goes through the mind of an individual who indulges in this type of management style. It is not productive. It is not effective. It invalidates the legitimacy of any true criticism of my performance, as it is wrapped up on a series of implied statements, personal attacks and contradictory instructions about what I should be doing to improve the situation.

Anytime you preface or reinforce a statement by stating “I'm not saying you are [adjective of choice]”, you are, in fact, saying it. In the past 24 hours, over two meetings I have been called lazy, disorganized and told that I am not taking my responsibilities seriously. And I have a third meeting with this individual next Wednesday to discuss “next steps”. All indicators are that this meeting will be very much like the last two, in which suggestions on how I could improve the situation will be used to berate me about not implementing them to begin with.

This individual is not my immediate supervisor, but is in a position of serious authority. I have been informed that there is absolutely nothing I can do but to wait for their attention span to divert elsewhere, probably in two or three weeks, possibly several months, sometimes never. That no matter what I do or say, it will not be the right answer.

If this individual gives me instructions then decides on a different course of action, thus causing me to submit bad information, it is my fault for not reading their mind. If I send them something for review and do not send a reminder, I am the one who has dropped the ball. If I don't met unexpressed expectations, it is because I did not ask the right questions. This individual will never apologize, will never concede that anyone else's ideas are valid and will never take responsibility for their actions. Ever.

I've also been told, short of committing a sacrifice of small animals in the middle of the workspace floor, this individual can not fire me without going through both my immediate supervisor and his supervisor for approval. That there are multiple parties willing to step up and defend me if this individual decides that he wants to get rid of me. Additionally, since this specific duty I appear to be failing to perform falls outside my core responsibilities, the consequences would be minor* and there would be more than ample opportunity to work on other projects within the company.

The stress of this is making me ill. I am not sleeping. I am having trouble eating. The pit of nausea in my stomach is larger and I go to work each day praying that I can get to the end of it without triggering a migraine. I can not concentrate on my work, at a time when I need to be able to fully concentrate.

* Loss of stock options and bonuses that will not be paid out this year anyway.