Fidget

I went to a second Friend’s Meeting today. The vibe in the room was much different today. A restless and impatient feeling in the air. A woman sitting across the aisle from me kept fidgeting – shifting her weight, moving her legs, changing positions in her chair. I’m not sure if she was the source or another victim, but listening to her move around made it difficult for me to concentrate and I found myself fidgeting as well.

Still, it was strange to hear people stand and talk about the things that I hear in my head but cannot speak with my tongue. One man talked about the Quaker belief that all are called to the priesthood, even those who feel unworthy or unsuitable. To be a Friend is to commit one’s self to it fully, 24/7. A second man spoke of dealing with the deep feelings of anger he had experienced over the past few weeks, anger at feeling manipulated by politicians trying to play on his and other’s fears, drowning out the still small voice inside.

The atmosphere in the room calmed considerably after the second speech, and brightened as the children returned from First Day School.

I did not stay for the meal. I lost my nerve and my courage and slipped out after drinking a glass of water. I felt foolish – there was lunch and an ice cream social to welcome new visitors and I knew I should stay and try to talk to people. But something in my head froze and my confidence left me.