Changing IV

I’m home with a migraine today, a malady that I am experiencing with increasing periodic (literally) frequency as my body shifts from post-pregnancy back into menopausal mode. The massive mood swings, increase in pre-period of migraines, erratic timing and cramps from hell make me long for the days when I would only wake up drenched in sweat and shivering.

The migraines have also changed, making it more difficult to detect when one is coming. This morning I discovered a new symptom – gag level sensitivity to phantom-like odors, which began at 5:40am when I J, freshly shampooed, leaned over to cuddle me for a moment. In my semi-coherent state I was unable to effectively communicate to him why I could not get away from him fast enough.

Only to pick up the odor again as I sat up in bed, as we use the same shampoo and the smell still lingered in my hair. I did not catch on when I stepped out of the shower and found myself wondering why things seemed to far away. It was only upon attempting to dress and realizing that I was becoming nauseated and incapable of choosing a shirt that I realized that I was about to be in a world of pain unless I took my medication immediately.

I took the medication. Comforted TA, who was angry about being forced to wear pants, then angry because he wanted to take a Dr. Seuss book in for show and tell (theme: seasons) instead of The Snowy Day. We settled on Ten Apples up On Top, which I thought could be stretched as a “fall” kind of book, because otherwise how would the characters have access to so many apples?

J and TA left, and I settled into a dark room and contemplated my life. The awfulness of the mood swings, which leave me feeling depressed and lonely. Last night I planned on going out and running some errands – except that I had no place to go and no one to meet. I ended up coming home and hiding in the bedroom while J and TA played downstairs. I find myself missing my former best friend and fighting the urge to reach out to her, even though I know it is for the best that we are not in contact any longer.

I hate this. I have limited options on how to alleviate the symptoms and none of them are really great. I can’t imagine going through 10+ years of this shit.