In which I document, in serial format, the stupid things I hear
people say or do in regards to my mom's illness.
First…
I had planned on writing an angry entry, in which I take the
energy that I feel towards what is happening to my mother and complain about
the stupid things people say to me about her illness. In the past three weeks,
my mother has had to endure:
1.
A MRI
of the breasts.
2.
A PET
(full-body) scan.
3.
A
Bone scan.
4.
A
Brain scan.
5.
The
injection and ingestion of contrast dyes for the above tests.
6.
Blood
tests.
Today she received the results of the PET, bone and body
scan.
All three scans were clear. The cancer is limited to the
left breast and lymph nodes. Surgery to remove the breast and all lymph nodes
is scheduled for early June, on a day that she considers “lucky”. Once the
tissue is removed, the cancer will be graded and the oncologist will develop a
treatment protocol.
Now:
Now that I am living with a situation in which people are going to
say stupid shit, I thought I would at least get some amusement out writing
about it.
The Ring Theory posits a very simple rule of communication
for talking to or about a person in crisis.
Comfort In. Dump Out.
The drawing below is my mother’s ring. Note that this is
based on a combination of geographic and emotional relationships. The asterisk
next to “Mom’s Friends” is to denote that they are on the border between the
first and second ring. “Mom’s Siblings” are also closer to the first ring, but
geographically none of them live nearby.
Based on ring theory, I can’t rail at my mom and dad about
how unfair her illness is and how horrible it makes me feel. But I can express
those feelings to my brothers (as we are in the same ring), my spouse or my
friends, as they are all in an outward ring.
Things Stupid Shit People Say #1
Smoking caused mom’s
breast cancer.
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