The presents have been unwrapped and our downstairs is a wasteland of bags, opened gifts and unread Christmas letters scattered from living room to dining room and spilling into our tiny kitchen. There is laundry to be completed, dishes to be put away and Wigford has taken up temporary residence under the Christmas tree, sending the blanket covering the metal stand in all directions.
Number of lies I had to tell: One.
That I was working between Christmas and the New Year, in an attempt to ward off the badgering about our non-involvement in the non-stop circus of family related holiday activities. My attempt was completely unsuccessful. Not because his family disbelieved the lie, they just refused to accept the idea that J and myself prefer to use our vacation time for traveling.
Number of fights: None.
The one potential argument was over Phillip Pullman and the His Dark Materials books, which was averted by repeating the following sentences until J's brother gave up.
Sentence 1: I disagree with you, but I'm (not going to/don't want to) argue about it.
Sentence 2: If you deliberately read for statements that are (anti-Catholic and or religion), that is exactly what you will find.
Sentence 3: As the church has always had its share of mysterious rituals from the view of an outsider, creating fictional organizations based on real-life structures within the church does not equate to anti-Catholicism.
Best Gift: Lost Girls by Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbe.
Purchased by J. I have all ready stored the volumes in a safe place as horrifying J's relatives, while tantalizing, is not worth the subsequent fallout.
Oddest Gift: Tickets to The Vagina Monologues.
Purchased by my father. He ended up with two sets and gave one set to my mother, one set to myself. Since we have two extra tickets, we are trying to convince my SIL and future SIL to go with us. An odd gift because I would never, in a million years, imagine my father buying tickets to this play.
Worst Gift: A black and gold “cat themed” sweater.
Purchased by my mother. While I like cats in general, adore my little tribe of three and suggested that the Crazy Cat Lady action figure would be an excellent stocking stuffer, I am not so far deranged as to think wearing a sweater embroidered with cats and sporting buttons in the shape of cat heads is an ideal fashion choice. J did not find my suggestion that I could save the sweater for Steelers games very amusing.
Best Gift I Gave: A small, handwoven Turkish rug with a fish in the center. Given to J since our house is too small for a fish tank.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I Can't Believe I'm Compelled to Defend...
A member of the Spears' family, but here it goes.
Susan Estrich, could you please refrain from calling Jamie Lynn Spears, or any other girl or woman who finds herself pregnant in less than ideal circumstances, a slut? Using phrases such as "successful slutdom" in your column is calling her a slut.
And while making a profit off of her pregnancy by selling the photographs of the newborn is reprehensible, it is not without precedence for celebrities to make such arrangements to document milestone events and making such an arrangement is not additional evidence that Spears is a tramp.
You know what happens when you put most sixteen year olds of any gender on a pedestal and hold them up as an example for younger kids to follow? They fall off.
Susan Estrich, could you please refrain from calling Jamie Lynn Spears, or any other girl or woman who finds herself pregnant in less than ideal circumstances, a slut? Using phrases such as "successful slutdom" in your column is calling her a slut.
And while making a profit off of her pregnancy by selling the photographs of the newborn is reprehensible, it is not without precedence for celebrities to make such arrangements to document milestone events and making such an arrangement is not additional evidence that Spears is a tramp.
You know what happens when you put most sixteen year olds of any gender on a pedestal and hold them up as an example for younger kids to follow? They fall off.
If the Glove Fits
First, an administrative note:
Dear J,
If you are reading this entry, please do the following: Disable your wireless card OR unplug the CAT 5 cable from the router AND turn off one of your computers (work or personal is up to you). Alternately you could allow more IP's on our little home network, thus allowing you to have as many computers turned on and plugged and as you want and me to be online at the same time without using up all the IP addresses.
Love, Me.
A few weeks ago the Post Gazette ran an article about Jennifer Gooch, a MFA student who designed a website to reunite gloves with their lost mates. As part of a larger project, Gooch has placed collection boxes in some of the local business and intends to turn the gloves into an exhibit.
Today the Post Gazette ran a letter from an individual who, to use the vernacular of blogs and messages boards all over the universe, could only be “concern trolling” and apparently lacks a sense of whimsy. The writer finds the project “gross”, a potential “serious health hazard” because the “streets are full of germs” and “you don't know where the glove was found and who handled it”. She wants to know why Gooch does not use her creativity “for something more productive”.
A few months ago I was in the upstairs changing rooms at Filene's Basement, trying on some summer dresses. At the time the rooms were frequently left unmonitored when the store was quiet. So it was not a surprise to hear a couple take the room next to my own and begin having not-quite-quiet-enough sex. They were discovered and asked to leave the room. Which they did, placing the clothes they grabbed as a cover neatly on the rack before leaving the room.
Just something to consider...
Dear J,
If you are reading this entry, please do the following: Disable your wireless card OR unplug the CAT 5 cable from the router AND turn off one of your computers (work or personal is up to you). Alternately you could allow more IP's on our little home network, thus allowing you to have as many computers turned on and plugged and as you want and me to be online at the same time without using up all the IP addresses.
Love, Me.
A few weeks ago the Post Gazette ran an article about Jennifer Gooch, a MFA student who designed a website to reunite gloves with their lost mates. As part of a larger project, Gooch has placed collection boxes in some of the local business and intends to turn the gloves into an exhibit.
Today the Post Gazette ran a letter from an individual who, to use the vernacular of blogs and messages boards all over the universe, could only be “concern trolling” and apparently lacks a sense of whimsy. The writer finds the project “gross”, a potential “serious health hazard” because the “streets are full of germs” and “you don't know where the glove was found and who handled it”. She wants to know why Gooch does not use her creativity “for something more productive”.
A few months ago I was in the upstairs changing rooms at Filene's Basement, trying on some summer dresses. At the time the rooms were frequently left unmonitored when the store was quiet. So it was not a surprise to hear a couple take the room next to my own and begin having not-quite-quiet-enough sex. They were discovered and asked to leave the room. Which they did, placing the clothes they grabbed as a cover neatly on the rack before leaving the room.
Just something to consider...
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tis the Season - A Rant
It is is less than week before Christmas and I find myself restless, irritable and cranky and feeling all that is not merry. The annual Christmas funk hit at 11:20 Monday morning, while double checking prices for some of the items on J's wish list and realizing that:
From there my mind cast forward to Christmas day, the long drive to my parents, the false cheer of my mother as she tries to pretend my brother's re-deployment is not a big deal. I wondered if she would try to convince my brother to move his wedding date back even later in the spring of 2009, just in case his tour is extended. I wondered how late dinner would be served and whether my father, younger brother and SIL would be able to make it.
Cheery thoughts in mind, I wandered through some of the downtown stores Monday afternoon, trying to find less expensive substitutes for the items on J's list. During my ramble I decided to stop and purchase some funky socks, as my collection of trouser socks is shrinking due to most of them developing holes.
An FYI for anyone out there looking for funky trouser socks. There are no funky trouser socks to be found in Pittsburgh. I know, because I went looking for them on Tuesday evening also. Plenty of blue, brown and beige, but no bright colors or fun patterns. Even the fishnet socks were boring in shades of black and beige.
I see repeated playings of A Very Special David Sedaris Christmas, especially “Seasons Greetings to Our Friends and Family!” between now and December 26th.
- I did not have $248.00 to waste on a cashmere scarf and
- Even if I had $248.00 to burn it would not be on a cashmere scarf and
- Even if I was the type of person to waste $240.00 on a cashmere scarf, it is not as if we are going to be home long enough to open, much less enjoy the gifts we purchased for each other until late Tuesday evening.
From there my mind cast forward to Christmas day, the long drive to my parents, the false cheer of my mother as she tries to pretend my brother's re-deployment is not a big deal. I wondered if she would try to convince my brother to move his wedding date back even later in the spring of 2009, just in case his tour is extended. I wondered how late dinner would be served and whether my father, younger brother and SIL would be able to make it.
Cheery thoughts in mind, I wandered through some of the downtown stores Monday afternoon, trying to find less expensive substitutes for the items on J's list. During my ramble I decided to stop and purchase some funky socks, as my collection of trouser socks is shrinking due to most of them developing holes.
An FYI for anyone out there looking for funky trouser socks. There are no funky trouser socks to be found in Pittsburgh. I know, because I went looking for them on Tuesday evening also. Plenty of blue, brown and beige, but no bright colors or fun patterns. Even the fishnet socks were boring in shades of black and beige.
I see repeated playings of A Very Special David Sedaris Christmas, especially “Seasons Greetings to Our Friends and Family!” between now and December 26th.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Random(ness) Again
Topic I: Shopping
J and I wisely elected to put last weekend aside to purchase the requisite gifts for our respective families. We started slowly on Saturday morning with breakfast at Pamela's in Squirrel Hill. Pamela's is one of the few diners in Pittsburgh in which one can order scrambled eggs with cheese directly from the menu instead of making a special request. The eggs are served with your choice of toast and the most glorious home fries known to mankind. The last time I had cheesy eggs this good was 1995.
After cheesy eggs, we took a detour into Little's so I could come out a few dollars poorer with a pair of scarlet “Encore Chill Stitch” Merrell shoes to keep my toes warm this winter.
Next was a stop at Orr's Jewelers, home of the marketing campaign “Orr's Jewelers Rocks!” with photographs of such Pittsburgh celebrities as Georges Laraque and Hines Ward. We stumbled into their annual “Trunk Show” and were fawned over (to some degree) by representatives from some of the different jewelers. I tried on a $32,000 bracelet and J got a chance to sport a $23,000 Breguet watch.
After admiring jewelery and timepieces that only a lottery would be able to provide us with, we headed out to purchase gifts for the rest of the family. By mid-afternoon Sunday the last of the gifts had been purchased. By Tuesday evening they had been wrapped and bagged for the trips to our respective families.
Topic II: Stockings
The Pittsburgh Penguins are raising money for charity by auctioning off a set of Christmas stockings created by the players wives/girlfriends/mothers/mother figures. Each stocking is stuffed with items that reflect the player's interests.
Curious, I pulled up the photographs of the stockings. The interests reflected are not surprising, lots of golf balls, DVD's and iTunes gift cards. Several decided to pack the stocking full of autographed Penguins memorabilia. Others wrapped all the items to give the winner a nice surprise.
One of the most intriguing items comes from Sergei Gonchar's stocking. Gonchar's wife elected to pack his (and Malkin's) socks full of autographed items, including an autographed childhood photograph of Gonchar, dressed to play a game.
I want that stocking. I don't care about the hat, the jersey or the hockey card. I want that photograph.
Topic III: The Mitchell Report
The Post-Gazette has downplayed the citation of multiple former Pirates as users of steroids, stating that most of the players were not using during their tenures with the team. I did not read the report in detail but I did skim through, curious to see which players would be named in the document. As one Craigslist poster remarked, it was a bit of a relief to discover that the team was naturally bad. It would have stung to discover that the owners could not even put together a decent, chemically enhanced team.
J and I wisely elected to put last weekend aside to purchase the requisite gifts for our respective families. We started slowly on Saturday morning with breakfast at Pamela's in Squirrel Hill. Pamela's is one of the few diners in Pittsburgh in which one can order scrambled eggs with cheese directly from the menu instead of making a special request. The eggs are served with your choice of toast and the most glorious home fries known to mankind. The last time I had cheesy eggs this good was 1995.
After cheesy eggs, we took a detour into Little's so I could come out a few dollars poorer with a pair of scarlet “Encore Chill Stitch” Merrell shoes to keep my toes warm this winter.
Next was a stop at Orr's Jewelers, home of the marketing campaign “Orr's Jewelers Rocks!” with photographs of such Pittsburgh celebrities as Georges Laraque and Hines Ward. We stumbled into their annual “Trunk Show” and were fawned over (to some degree) by representatives from some of the different jewelers. I tried on a $32,000 bracelet and J got a chance to sport a $23,000 Breguet watch.
After admiring jewelery and timepieces that only a lottery would be able to provide us with, we headed out to purchase gifts for the rest of the family. By mid-afternoon Sunday the last of the gifts had been purchased. By Tuesday evening they had been wrapped and bagged for the trips to our respective families.
Topic II: Stockings
The Pittsburgh Penguins are raising money for charity by auctioning off a set of Christmas stockings created by the players wives/girlfriends/mothers/mother figures. Each stocking is stuffed with items that reflect the player's interests.
Curious, I pulled up the photographs of the stockings. The interests reflected are not surprising, lots of golf balls, DVD's and iTunes gift cards. Several decided to pack the stocking full of autographed Penguins memorabilia. Others wrapped all the items to give the winner a nice surprise.
One of the most intriguing items comes from Sergei Gonchar's stocking. Gonchar's wife elected to pack his (and Malkin's) socks full of autographed items, including an autographed childhood photograph of Gonchar, dressed to play a game.
I want that stocking. I don't care about the hat, the jersey or the hockey card. I want that photograph.
Topic III: The Mitchell Report
The Post-Gazette has downplayed the citation of multiple former Pirates as users of steroids, stating that most of the players were not using during their tenures with the team. I did not read the report in detail but I did skim through, curious to see which players would be named in the document. As one Craigslist poster remarked, it was a bit of a relief to discover that the team was naturally bad. It would have stung to discover that the owners could not even put together a decent, chemically enhanced team.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
My Lunch with the In-Laws
This past Saturday I got myself semi-dolled up (jeans and a nice sweater) and drove to a distant Pittsburgh suburb to have lunch with the MIL, SIL's and various members of the MIL's extended family. It is called the “Cousin's Lunch” and it is a women-only gathering held four times a year.
I don't go very often, as I feel like a visitor in a foreign country, one that can never quite get the customs right and lapses into silence and pointing less she inadvertently offend her kind hosts. My latest journey was no exception, as the primary topics of discussion were priests, mass schedules and church youth groups, with a brief foray in the hazard of hosting an outdoor birthday party for a teenager.
Late Sunday afternoon, J commented on how it had not felt like much of a weekend, as he spent all day Saturday hanging drywall with a friend. He reluctantly retracted that statement when I pointed out to him that he probably had a better time hanging drywall then I did at lunch.
I don't go very often, as I feel like a visitor in a foreign country, one that can never quite get the customs right and lapses into silence and pointing less she inadvertently offend her kind hosts. My latest journey was no exception, as the primary topics of discussion were priests, mass schedules and church youth groups, with a brief foray in the hazard of hosting an outdoor birthday party for a teenager.
Late Sunday afternoon, J commented on how it had not felt like much of a weekend, as he spent all day Saturday hanging drywall with a friend. He reluctantly retracted that statement when I pointed out to him that he probably had a better time hanging drywall then I did at lunch.
From Zero To Asshole in 2.3 Seconds
My friend T messaged me this afternoon while I was in a staff meeting. T is currently living and working in Europe and I am living vicariously through her as she emails and messages me updates on her adventures. She has been there for almost 18 months and I anticipate seeing her late next spring.
T was upset and after telling me what had happened to her today it was all I could do to stop myself from taking the next flight out and indulging in a serious ass-kicking upon the instigator of her distress, her husband.
I do not have many friends. I am very reserved around people I do not know and have a tendency to come across as distant and standoffish, which does not endear me to many people. However, I am very protective of my family and those friends who are able get past my initial reserve.
T is married and has been the primary source of income for almost three years. She is very loyal and supportive of her husband, who dropped out of his graduate program when he realized how unhappy he was there and has floundered ever since in every attempt to find his way. She tries very hard to make him happy, giving up a good job in country #1, where he was miserable, to move to country #2, where employment is difficult to obtain if you are not a EU citizen.
And he has repaid her devotion by accusing her of being a freeloader, of lacking ambition, of not working as hard as he does. And he said this on the first day of her new job.
W.T.F?
There is more, but that essentially is the heart of the conversation right there. And I am worried. Because there is more. She is thousands of miles away from her family and friends. If something should happen, and I am very afraid based on this most recent exchange something might happen, it will be difficult to get to her to help her out.
So I am in a bit of a dither right now. There are actions I feel she should take to protect herself, but how do I suggest them without being offensive or unsupportive? The best I could do for right now was suggest she see a therapist with or without the husband and promise to have some crazy in-law stories the next time we talked.
T was upset and after telling me what had happened to her today it was all I could do to stop myself from taking the next flight out and indulging in a serious ass-kicking upon the instigator of her distress, her husband.
I do not have many friends. I am very reserved around people I do not know and have a tendency to come across as distant and standoffish, which does not endear me to many people. However, I am very protective of my family and those friends who are able get past my initial reserve.
T is married and has been the primary source of income for almost three years. She is very loyal and supportive of her husband, who dropped out of his graduate program when he realized how unhappy he was there and has floundered ever since in every attempt to find his way. She tries very hard to make him happy, giving up a good job in country #1, where he was miserable, to move to country #2, where employment is difficult to obtain if you are not a EU citizen.
And he has repaid her devotion by accusing her of being a freeloader, of lacking ambition, of not working as hard as he does. And he said this on the first day of her new job.
W.T.F?
There is more, but that essentially is the heart of the conversation right there. And I am worried. Because there is more. She is thousands of miles away from her family and friends. If something should happen, and I am very afraid based on this most recent exchange something might happen, it will be difficult to get to her to help her out.
So I am in a bit of a dither right now. There are actions I feel she should take to protect herself, but how do I suggest them without being offensive or unsupportive? The best I could do for right now was suggest she see a therapist with or without the husband and promise to have some crazy in-law stories the next time we talked.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Purple Room
Things I wondered about over the course of today:
Why did the woman in the long black coat and even longer pink plaid scarf refuse to move towards the back of the bus? Or even move her body out of the way enough so that some of the riders jammed three deep ACROSS at the front of the bus could get back to stand where there was more space? And why did she choose to take up that same amount of space near the front door as people were trying to get OFF the bus?
Why did two of my co-workers decide to shut down all three servers I was using for testing without asking me first if I was finished? For the record, no I was not.
Why did the two woman sitting behind me on the bus on the way home have such a fascination with Britney Spears and the rumor that she is pregnant again? I'm not sure what I found more offensive – that they were so interested in the life of someone they would not recognize if they walked into her or that they were so ******* judgmental about it.
Why is my current favorite song Thomas Dolby's I Love You Goodbye?
Random questions aside, it was announced today that my office would be closed from December 24 through January 1. The other labs will be closed as well, giving all employees seven days in which to enjoy the holiday season.
Some, including my manager, are annoyed as the scheduling of the company holiday was not done according to policy, which requires a week's notification in advance for each day off. Although the policy applies primarily to employees who request vacation time, there is an unwritten expectation that employees are extended the same courtesy. While the holiday is welcome news, several employees scheduled vacation for later in the month of January and others do not have enough time accrued to cover four of the seven days (the remaining three are previously scheduled holidays). Employees who do not have enough time can either take the holiday unpaid or go into the hole and stop accruing vacation time until the debt is paid off.
I have the time available, although it makes planning my trips in late May and late September trickier then originally anticipated. But I can not complain, as this break means I have taken close to five weeks of vacation in the calendar year.
My only concern now is keeping this information away from J's family so they don't schedule my time.
As for the purple room, J painted our living room walls deep purple.
When I hooked the camera up to download the photographs of the living room wall, I discovered this:
Why did the woman in the long black coat and even longer pink plaid scarf refuse to move towards the back of the bus? Or even move her body out of the way enough so that some of the riders jammed three deep ACROSS at the front of the bus could get back to stand where there was more space? And why did she choose to take up that same amount of space near the front door as people were trying to get OFF the bus?
Why did two of my co-workers decide to shut down all three servers I was using for testing without asking me first if I was finished? For the record, no I was not.
Why did the two woman sitting behind me on the bus on the way home have such a fascination with Britney Spears and the rumor that she is pregnant again? I'm not sure what I found more offensive – that they were so interested in the life of someone they would not recognize if they walked into her or that they were so ******* judgmental about it.
Why is my current favorite song Thomas Dolby's I Love You Goodbye?
Random questions aside, it was announced today that my office would be closed from December 24 through January 1. The other labs will be closed as well, giving all employees seven days in which to enjoy the holiday season.
Some, including my manager, are annoyed as the scheduling of the company holiday was not done according to policy, which requires a week's notification in advance for each day off. Although the policy applies primarily to employees who request vacation time, there is an unwritten expectation that employees are extended the same courtesy. While the holiday is welcome news, several employees scheduled vacation for later in the month of January and others do not have enough time accrued to cover four of the seven days (the remaining three are previously scheduled holidays). Employees who do not have enough time can either take the holiday unpaid or go into the hole and stop accruing vacation time until the debt is paid off.
I have the time available, although it makes planning my trips in late May and late September trickier then originally anticipated. But I can not complain, as this break means I have taken close to five weeks of vacation in the calendar year.
My only concern now is keeping this information away from J's family so they don't schedule my time.
As for the purple room, J painted our living room walls deep purple.
When I hooked the camera up to download the photographs of the living room wall, I discovered this:
Sunday, December 02, 2007
A Whole Lot of Stuff Crammed into a Single Post
I've been very lazy the last week. The cold air, grey skies and intermittent, icy rain has not been highly motivating.
There has been a lot to write about. Letters in the Post Gazette. The verbal spanking (via email, so really it was in writing) I received from a friend because I did not know the difference between bread and pastry in Finland. Our purple living room. The behavior of a group of fans at the Raul Malo concert last Thursday evening.
Comedic letter of the week goes Friday's writer of the missive “Al-Qaida wishes”, in which the Democratic Party (or “Democrats” as he phrases) is depicted as maintaining parallel philosophies to Al-Qaida. To quote “It's getting harder and harder to draw distinctions between the philosophies of al-Qaida and the Democrats.”
Where to begin? How about suggesting that the members of Al-Qaida will not be posting letters to Santa since they are Muslim? That writing a reassuring lines like “... don't be frightened or disheartened, Democrats won't get their wish” is extremely dissonant when juxtapositioned with phrases such as “keep our collective foot on their throats”.
Wow. Way to win me over to your side, by repeatedly invoking images of violence. By the way, if Al-Qaida is being driven out of Iraq, why my brother been called up for a second tour of duty? Why is the Iraqi government proposing a permanent United States military presence? And why can't I stop laughing at you?
In contrast was Saturday's article about a Carnegie Mellon MFA student who created an unusual art project – she set up a website to reunite found gloves with their forlorn mates. Such a silly, lovely idea.
“Raul who?” was the response of approximately 90% of my friends when I mentioned that I was going to see Raul Malo perform at the Byham Theater on Thursday night. Pittsburgh is a strictly rock-n-roll/old heavy metal band type of town, so I was not surprised that most were not interested in seeing him play.
Unfortunately, that Pittsburgh's overall musical tastes lean toward “play Freebird man...” makes it difficult to find someone other than J willing to listen to a pudgy, balding, 42 year old latin/country/jazz singer with a voice like Roy Orbison and moves like Elvis. And J refused to go because he said he was not comfortable watching his wife blatantly lust after another man for two hours.
J reminded me that the wife of one of his former coworkers was also a big Malo fan and, like I, had been thwarted in her attempts to see him play on previous visits (at least once a year) to the city. B and I arranged to meet for a nice dinner beforehand and I happily ordered the best seats available for the show.
B had to cancel but found another friend to take the ticket. R and I met in the lobby of the Byham at 7:30, both excited to see the show. We had a “glass” of terrible Pinot Noir and found our seats at the back of the theater.
Malo opened with Marshmallow World, a fluffy wintertime song that got the audience in the mood almost immediately. Part of that audience included a gaggle of fifty-something women who were out for a good time. A REALLY good time.They screamed, they whistled, they yelled out comments. They danced at their seats and laughed hysterically. As the night wore on, they became more rambunctious, to the point that I expected to see various articles of clothing start flying towards the stage. The only thing that flew was a red santa hat, which the drummer wore as it matched his red suit.
The women kept their bras and panties on but were successful in distracting Malo enough that he forgot the lyrics and had to stop singing so he could find out what was written on the sign one member of the group was holding up. All five women got up from their seats and headed towards the stage. One carried the sign. The second carried a bottle of Patron Silver tequila and asked if Malo and his band would do a shot with the women. Malo and the band obliged. Far from satisfied with his conciliatory gesture, the screamed for him to do more shots of Patron for the rest of the show.
As for what would provoke that kind of response in a bunch of fifty-something women? A voice like Roy Orbison, moves like Elvis, a great stage presence and the sexiest cover of the song Sway I have ever heard.
There has been a lot to write about. Letters in the Post Gazette. The verbal spanking (via email, so really it was in writing) I received from a friend because I did not know the difference between bread and pastry in Finland. Our purple living room. The behavior of a group of fans at the Raul Malo concert last Thursday evening.
Comedic letter of the week goes Friday's writer of the missive “Al-Qaida wishes”, in which the Democratic Party (or “Democrats” as he phrases) is depicted as maintaining parallel philosophies to Al-Qaida. To quote “It's getting harder and harder to draw distinctions between the philosophies of al-Qaida and the Democrats.”
Where to begin? How about suggesting that the members of Al-Qaida will not be posting letters to Santa since they are Muslim? That writing a reassuring lines like “... don't be frightened or disheartened, Democrats won't get their wish” is extremely dissonant when juxtapositioned with phrases such as “keep our collective foot on their throats”.
Wow. Way to win me over to your side, by repeatedly invoking images of violence. By the way, if Al-Qaida is being driven out of Iraq, why my brother been called up for a second tour of duty? Why is the Iraqi government proposing a permanent United States military presence? And why can't I stop laughing at you?
In contrast was Saturday's article about a Carnegie Mellon MFA student who created an unusual art project – she set up a website to reunite found gloves with their forlorn mates. Such a silly, lovely idea.
“Raul who?” was the response of approximately 90% of my friends when I mentioned that I was going to see Raul Malo perform at the Byham Theater on Thursday night. Pittsburgh is a strictly rock-n-roll/old heavy metal band type of town, so I was not surprised that most were not interested in seeing him play.
Unfortunately, that Pittsburgh's overall musical tastes lean toward “play Freebird man...” makes it difficult to find someone other than J willing to listen to a pudgy, balding, 42 year old latin/country/jazz singer with a voice like Roy Orbison and moves like Elvis. And J refused to go because he said he was not comfortable watching his wife blatantly lust after another man for two hours.
J reminded me that the wife of one of his former coworkers was also a big Malo fan and, like I, had been thwarted in her attempts to see him play on previous visits (at least once a year) to the city. B and I arranged to meet for a nice dinner beforehand and I happily ordered the best seats available for the show.
B had to cancel but found another friend to take the ticket. R and I met in the lobby of the Byham at 7:30, both excited to see the show. We had a “glass” of terrible Pinot Noir and found our seats at the back of the theater.
Malo opened with Marshmallow World, a fluffy wintertime song that got the audience in the mood almost immediately. Part of that audience included a gaggle of fifty-something women who were out for a good time. A REALLY good time.They screamed, they whistled, they yelled out comments. They danced at their seats and laughed hysterically. As the night wore on, they became more rambunctious, to the point that I expected to see various articles of clothing start flying towards the stage. The only thing that flew was a red santa hat, which the drummer wore as it matched his red suit.
The women kept their bras and panties on but were successful in distracting Malo enough that he forgot the lyrics and had to stop singing so he could find out what was written on the sign one member of the group was holding up. All five women got up from their seats and headed towards the stage. One carried the sign. The second carried a bottle of Patron Silver tequila and asked if Malo and his band would do a shot with the women. Malo and the band obliged. Far from satisfied with his conciliatory gesture, the screamed for him to do more shots of Patron for the rest of the show.
As for what would provoke that kind of response in a bunch of fifty-something women? A voice like Roy Orbison, moves like Elvis, a great stage presence and the sexiest cover of the song Sway I have ever heard.
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