L is lovely.
I hate breastfeeding. Really, really hate it. I don't produce enough to keep L satisfied. I don't produce enough to pump. And L tends to fall asleep, so every second that he is feeding I am actively struggling to keep him awake.
His doctor says I need to start pumping now to get him used to bottles. The LC says I need to wait, since he is having issues with feeding. Last night I had a breakdown at midnight. J took L from me, told me to go to sleep, went downstairs and fixed a bottle of formula, which he fed to L. Two hours later I was up and feeding him again.
My mom says to follow my instinct (that he is not getting enough from me) and supplement.
I hate this. I'm going crazy inside my house. I can't go out, because I can't feed him him without exposing myself. I'm home alone for part of the day until next week, when J goes back to work full time.
Part of me wants to give up now. But I think about the financial waste – the pump, the breast shields, the storage bags, the cost of formula and I cringe to think about how much money we would be throwing away.
Don't worry about nipple confusion or any of that crap. Both of my daughters nursed and fed from bottles without trouble. This started because the eldest wasn't gaining in her first weeks nursing non-stop. The LC nurse came to see me and said: "you can't nurse successfully if you're exhausted. Nurse her 15 minutes per breast, and if she's still hungry, give her a bottle. Then she (AND YOU) can rest. If she's hungry before at least two, or better, four hours have passed, feed her a bottle (2 oz) again. Keep rested. Drink all the milk, juice, and water you want. And for heaven's sake, let your spouse feed the critter." Once we started that program TigerGrrl became the world-conquering superhero she is today. With DestructoGirl, I didn't wait. I just made sure I fed her myself every four hours at first, and then every six hours, and then made sure I got my rest.
ReplyDeleteRemember, you've got to get rest and nutrition yourself. Glad the baby is a charmer.
My son only ate for about 3 minutes on one breast each feeding until he was one. Some kids just suck it down faster I think. I ALWAYS questioned myself whether or not he was getting enough milk but I learned to rely on his weight to reassure me that he wasn't malnourished. I too had the problem with exposure in public but finally decided that I I don't care if other people see a little booby if it means saving tons of money and it is better for my baby and my sanity was saved by getting out of the house. When I would go to the mall I would just slip into a dressing room or when I was at a restaurant I would always get a booth and strategically place myself kinda under the table with the baby. Just remember...there is always a hiding place for the boob and baby and when there isn't the other people can just look away! Good luck!
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