How to be a Bad House Guest

The first step in becoming a bad house guest is to break something. Preferably something that is not too valuable, but is difficult to replace without a lot of trouble. For example, a door shelf on a Jenn-Air stainless steal freezer-on-the-bottom model refrigerator.

The object in question should be destroyed while using it in a perfectly reasonable manner, say in the process of placing a gallon of milk onto the shelf, which was specifically designed to hold gallon containers. It should break in spectacular fashion, in this case dropping straight down to the floor while my hand was still holding the milk.

This was first action committed by me in the very lovely summer home owned by my relatives.

The second step is to pilfer the non-secured wireless connection run by one of the neighbors to post this entry.

We drove up Wednesday night, arriving at 5:30 in the morning. Because my beloved and much worshiped Volvo had to have the rear rotors and pads replaced, we borrowed a caravan from J's parents and packed it full of pillows and blankets in case we decided to stop to sleep during the drive. The van guzzles gas and costs a fortune to fill up, so we plan on walking a lot while we are here.

Our first adventure was an attempt to locate the house key in the dark and discovering that the van's headlights were most inadequate to the task. In desperation I began digging through the utter chaos that is the glove box in the van and managed to come up with a working flashlight. After several more minutes of searching I located the key and discovered the flashlight could not be turned off. J had to remove the batteries.

After bringing the bags into the house we fell into bed, just as the sun was rising. We did not have the energy to stay awake long enough to see it rise over the beach a quarter of a mile from the house.

What we learned during our drive from Pittsburgh to Cape Cod:

1. It is easier to drive at night. Much less stressful.
2. There is something oddly fascinating in passing rest stops full of semi trucks all tucked in for the night. We also saw them along some stretches of road in New York.
3. The view of distant New York City from the Tappan Zee Bridge is beyond spectacular in the middle of the night.
4. We heard the song Sister Christian three times, once in New Jersey, once in New York and once while driving through Connecticut. On three different radio stations.
5. The rest stops Massachusetts are not open at night. The hours posted on the door were from 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM.
6. The gas station/Dunkin Donuts we stopped at (down the road from the rest stop) does not start serving coffee until 6:00 AM. I learned this after hearing J cry in agony upon discovering that he could not get coffee. The clerk's very suggestion that we stop at the Starbucks up the road was met with another cry, as J will only go to Starbucks in Paris (France).
7. The hot political issue in Massachusetts appears to be Proposition 1, whether to allow grocery stores to sell wine. I saw an anti-Proposition 1 sign that was genius in its simplicity. Photo of sign upcoming.

Something Wicked this Way Comes

Boat

Fall Ocean