I Am Weary (Let Me Rest)

I am weary.

Yesterday's family breakfast was awful.

J and I went to his parents for breakfast. His parents live roughly 40 minutes away, so we were up and on the road early to make it by the appointed time of 10:00 am. Getting out of bed was not easy, as I spent the majority of my Saturday at work.

Breakfast was in honor of J's cousin, a lovely and smart young woman who is leaving shortly to study Chinese in Taiwan for two months. It may be the last time we see her until Christmas, as she will return long enough to wash her clothes before going on a semester abroad in Poland.

J and I don't share the same political views as most of his family. We normally take the path of least resistance and keep our mouths shut as we want family gatherings to be civilized. I have broken this rule twice, both times in an effort to bring civility back to the room.

I don't think I will be doing that anymore. Not if I have to endure the following:

• Negative remarks about other faiths. (Hello? Did you forget that I come from a mixed religious household? Did you forget that I had to listen to that crap for years from my father's relatives?)
• J's aunt warning his cousin not to bring home a Chinese boyfriend.
• J's aunt (again) making the comment that it was ok for a white couple to adopt a child from a different race, but it was not ok for two people from different races to get married.
• The majority of J's family dismissing the comments as a "generational thing".
• The self-congratulatory, smug tone that most of his family took when discussing how not racist they are. Coming out of the mouths of people who have never gone to school, sat next to or worked with someone who was a race other than white? After making the joke "What do you get when you get two black men together? Trouble".
  

I asked J to leave. He refused. I walked outside and sat on the porch until most of the guests left. I went to the Flea Market with J and his father. Finally, at 2:00 pm, two hours after I initially asked, we left for home.

Today I stewed. Angry at his family for being so awful. Angry at myself for taking the easy way out under the explanation that I was trying to keep the peace. Angry at J for not respecting my desire to remove myself from the situation.

J stewed also, for the same reasons. Angry that his older brother had turned into fuckwad. Angry that he did not speak up. Angry because I was so upset.

I am weary.